Find a Therapy Balance
I will never forget Elise’s physiotherapist. She was my first connection point on a new and uncertain journey. I clung to every word she said like it was gold and law. She managed my anxious questions skillfully and with absolute kindness, and she had me read a poem about a trip to Holland that was supposed to be to Italy*. The piece had a profound impact on me and how I would come to view this journey with a diagnosis I hadn’t signed up for.
Therapy for my daughter was my lifeline; it represented a hope that I could control some part of this unexpected journey. Secretly, I probably felt that if Elise did physiotherapy all the time, I may just be able to stop her from being different than other kids. I committed myself to her therapy and made it my full-time job. It was my hope and my lifeline, but it was also all-consuming. When I look back now, I can see where and how a different balance or perspective would have been good. I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned about managing therapy and striking a balance:
Get involved: I realize I’ve just said don’t become obsessed with the therapy, but on the flip side it's important to get involved and try to understand the main strategies being introduced in a therapy session. It won’t work if you just rely on your child’s other team members such as developmental aides or support workers to work on strategies. Admittedly it’s a fine balance, but it’s important you are involved. Sometimes therapy just looks like play, or even chaos, but there will probably be an underlying strategy the therapist is trying to apply. Ask the therapist to articulate what the main goal or strategy is in their session with your child.
Set small, weekly goals: Choose two or three goals to work on and write them down. Post the goals where you can see them – on a big piece of paper on your fridge or a white board. Do your best to work on these goals throughout the week and let everyone else in your child’s life know that these two or three things are the focus. Abide by the two-week rule by committing to strategies for at least two weeks before deciding if something isn’t working. Just like habits, strategies need time to build and be effective.
Be a project manager and allow others to be involved in your child’s therapy: To this day, there are appointments and sessions that I feel absolutely compelled to attend. However, there are others that I feel I can ask people in my support system to be a part of instead. Sometimes this can even be your child’s other parent; often one parent takes on everything and doesn’t have to. I’ve learned to be deliberate and thoughtful about the therapy and appointment commitments Elise has. I try to ensure that most days I feel “ahead” of her schedule and have enough support so I can be present when I am involved.
Above all, remember you are a parent, not a therapist. I can’t stress this enough. Yes, try to figure out how to apply strategies that are introduced to you into your life as naturally as possible, but try not to become obsessed with the therapy; it’s important, but so is just being a parent and connecting with your child. Be proud of your child when they are participating in therapy sessions. Often, we forget these little ones have a lot more expectation placed on them at a young age. Celebrate the little accomplishments and have fun with them.
*For me, Welcome to Holland, is a poignant reflection of setting out on the unexpected journey of raising a child with special needs. I recognize others have felt differently about it. As always, adopt what speaks to you and forget the rest. - Lori
