Your Child’s Happiness
Sometimes as parents we lie awake at night worrying about our children’s happiness and their place in the world – their immediate world, never mind the great big world. It’s a tangled and intricate process figuring out how to teach our children to be responsible for creating their own happiness while also discerning when to step-in to help them.
When your child is diagnosed with extra needs or challenges, the happiness concern can become even more magnified. I know that I have envisioned my daughter’s future and agonized about her happiness at various times. When we went to birthday parties (if we were even invited), I was absolutely on guard about her being left out or looked at strangely. You name it – complete mama bear. As Elise grows older, these feelings numb somewhat, but still creep back into vulnerable moments.
Recently, Elise was bouncing on our trampoline with girls her age from our neighbourhood. My heart was so full because she was being included. After five minutes though I looked out the window again and was crushed because all the kids had left, and my beautiful girl was by herself. I was sad, you might say devastated. Then I looked at my daughter – really looked at her. Had the girls hurt her feelings? Was she ok? Was she happy?
SHE WAS HAPPY. It was me that was not. Elise was on the trampoline enjoying playing with a ball the girls had left her. I watched her for a few minutes, I mean really watched her. She was not feeling the same emotions I was.
At that moment, I realized I must be careful to hold loosely my dreams, emotions, and wants for her and cling tightly to what truly makes her happy. When I feel sad because Elise is being left out, I must evaluate if this is how she is feeling.
Unfortunately, there will be times when our children will feel left out, discriminated against, frustrated or sad – but they may not always be the times when we as their parents feel those things. Our children are special in more than one regard and their ability to experience happiness may very well exceed our own.
I’ll always be a mama bear, but I am resolved to try and see things through my daughter’s eyes, let go of my own fears about her happiness and soak in her joy.
